Chaos in the Family
Modern Family (2009)
YouTube captions are often inaccurate. The transcript below is verified for accuracy.
Characters
Alex
Haley
Mitchell
Cam
Jay
Phil
Claire
Luke
Gloria
Manny
Transcript
[Claire]
Do you know what our daughter did?
[Phil]
Nothing. She's fine. She's reading.
[Claire]
No, not her. Haley. Haley! Come over here. I want to talk to you.
[Phil]
There she is, not a scratch on her.
[Claire]
You have something you want to say to us?
[Haley]
Uh...
[Claire]
Mmm... Let me help you out here. Fake IDs?
[Phil]
What?
[Claire]
Mm-hmm. Haley tried to get her and her friends some fake IDs.
[Haley]
I wasn't going to use them for drinking. We just wanted to get into this club to see a band.
[Claire]
She took a bunch of money from them and then she lost it.
[Phil]
How much?
[Alex]
$900.
[Phil]
Oh my god. Oh...
[Claire]
You're kidding me!
[Haley]
It's not my fault. I gave money to this guy. He's the one who ripped us off.
[Claire]
What happened to your face?
[Luke]
Oh, I ran into a door.
[Claire]
What happened to your face?
[Luke]
Dad hit me.
[Phil]
It was an accident. I was trying to open up a band-aid.
[Claire]
What's wrong with her?
[Phil]
Growth spurt?
[Claire]
What's wrong with her?
[Phil]
I drugged her.
[Claire]
Phil!
[Phil]
I accidentally gave her the nighttime allergy medicine.
[Claire]
All right, one thing at a time. Haley, how are you going to repay your friends?
[Haley]
I don't know.
[Gloria]
I know. You go there with a couple of guys—
[Jay]
She's gotta get the money back. Who is this kid?
[Haley]
A guy at school's cousin's friend, he lives in Gardena.
[Mitchell]
Well, if you know where he lives, just call the police.
[Phil]
No cops, we can't afford a scandal right now. Claire's running for town council.
[Claire]
That was before, when I thought you could take care of the children. I take my eye off the ball for one minute and I've got one in a coma, one with a black eye, and one running a crime ring.
[Gloria]
Well, to be fair, Haley started her crime ring when your eye was still on the ball.
[Haley]
It's not a crime ring. I just gotta get my hands on that $900.
[Manny]
I know how the mafia will handle this.
[Jay]
The kid is right. I'm sick of these smart ass punks who keep changing the rules and think they can get away with anything they want. I'm gonna pay this guy a visit. Haley, text me his address.
[Phil]
I'm going with you.
[Cam]
Me too.
[Mitchell]
Oh, no, no, nobody's going anywhere. Okay, we're not vigilantes.
[Cam]
Shotgun!
[Mitchell]
No! No weapons!
Clip Context
Claire takes a day away from the family to prepare herself for running for town council. During her time away, Phil loses control of the children and chaos ensues.
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Vocabulary
Read each word out loud.
vigilante
/ˌvɪdʒ əˈlæn ti/
noun
a person who takes the law into their own hands to fight crime or avenge a wrongdoing
Example:
Last night, a vigilante stopped a car thief before he could steal my car.
crime ring
/ˈkraɪm rɪŋ/
noun
a group of people who work together to organize and carry out illegal activities
Example:
Police arrested several members of a crime ring that was stealing luxury cars.
keep your eye on the ball
/kiːp jʊr aɪ ɑːn ðə bɔːl/
idiom
to stay focused on what is important and not become distracted
Example:
If you want to finish this project on time, you need to keep your eye on the ball.
scandal
/ˈskændəl/
noun
a situation in which someone behaves in a dishonest, immoral, or illegal way that shocks people and becomes widely talked about in public
Example:
The politician resigned following a scandal involving the misuse of public funds.
cop
/kɒp/
noun
(informal) a police officer
Example:
I was pulled over today, and the cop said my brake light was blown out.
rip off
/rɪp ɔːf/
phrasal verb
(informal) to cheat someone by charging too much money or by taking their money dishonestly
Example:
Our server ripped us off and overcharged us for our dinner.
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Lesson updated:
March 9, 2026
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